a green valentine

Heart.
Ache.

What good will come of seeing her? The steps to this meeting have been
full of warnings and omens. My mind is full of lies. Even now aren't I
lying to myself?

How exciting and ironic to imagine the healing explanation she'll have
for all this pain.

And when she invites me to join her again, how can I not agree? Could
I be that strong? Our gazes will caress each other. We'll touch. The
memory of pain will burn away and I'll fall into her arms. Twining in
her arms, I'll feel everything was worth the journey.

Ache.
Heart.

My chest: too small even now to contain the need that is pounding away
behind my ribs. I want her. And I want all this intrigue to go away. I
want someone to say they loved me for myself.
Not for who I was born of.
Not for the sparking spiral in my blood.
Not for politics.

How young and stupid is love.

How to make a young girl biddable? Soothe her. Groom her. Stroke her
heart and ease the chain 'round it while she dozes.

And still I love her. I need love that badly. I disgust myself.

Heart.
Ache.

I wonder if Merlin will like her?